Qué Deseo?
by Rob5
Summary: Abby drops a bomb on Carter. A Carby. It's finished! All done :)
1. Can Anybody Fly This Thing?

Title: Qué Deseo?  
Author: Rob - fatabbot@btinternet.com  
Archive: Not without permission please  
Category: Carter/Abby  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: Probably up to about 'Quo Vadis,' I'm not too sure.  
Author's notes: I've had this fic in my head since before Christmas and I've done everything but write it. Fortunately, because it was driving me nuts, I've got the first part finished. New chapters (if there are any) will probably take awhile, my fic writing is sporadic ;)  
Disclaimer: The characters used in this story are not owned by myself. I'm just borrowing them, and I promise to give them back.  
Summary: Abby drops a bomb on Carter  
  
  
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Qué Deseo?  
  
Chapter 1 - Can Anybody Fly This Thing?  
  
****  
  
December 2001  
  
****  
  
"I don't understand it. He's never done anything like this before," the patient said, nursing a cut and bloody hand.   
  
"Uh-huh," John Truman Carter sat, pretending to be interested, cleaning the wound. He had been on for seventeen hours, twenty-three minutes and counting. All he wanted now was a bed, any bed, and a pager that never went off.  
  
"It's strange, he's been my dog for... like ten years. I don't understand why he would just jump me like that."  
  
"Well Mr Peterson sometimes dogs do attack their owners for no reason. I have no idea why."  
  
"You a dog lover?"  
  
"Erm well no not really," Carter said with a chuckle.  
  
Mr Peterson looked down at his hand, "well I suppose this isn't going to persuade you to run over to the pet-shop."  
  
"You could say that."  
  
****   
  
Carter walked into the exam room, faced with another new patient. Nineteen hours, fourteen minutes. In forty-four more minutes there was a chance he could slip out and head straight for his bed. He sat down and looked up at his patient, an elderly lady. "Hi Ms Friedel, I'm Dr. Carter. What seems to be the problem?"  
  
"Hello Dr. Carter!" the woman boomed, Carter flinched. "I fell over and hit my head!"  
  
"Oh dear," Carter said sympathetically, "How did that happen?"  
  
"Well I was upstairs in my bedroom making the beds when I noticed that the clock on my bedside cabinet had stopped working. So I went downstairs to find some batteries and..." The old woman continued with a long-winded anecdote while Carter, staring at his chart, slowly drew closer and closer to sleep. His body was finally giving in to the trials of the day. A sharp nudge in his back forced his head back up again and he blinked several times to ensure that he wouldn't drift off. He focused on the old woman and caught the last part of her story, "...and when I went to carry the wash basket up the stairs I tripped on the step and hit my head."  
  
Carter blinked a few more times and stood up, "well let me just take a look at you then." He looked up from the woman and glanced around the room, Haleh stood opposite him with a large smirk on her face, looking at someone standing behind him. He turned his head slightly and could make out the form of Susan Lewis, obviously the person who had woken him. After doing the doctor thing he practically ran to the lounge, with Susan following closely behind.  
  
Collapsing on one of the chairs he rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed loudly. "Please let me die."  
  
Susan laughed, "How long have you been on for?"  
  
"You really don't want to know."  
  
"What are you doing when you get off?"  
  
"You mean if I ever get off?"  
  
"Yeah right. What are you doing if you ever get off?"  
  
"I am going to go home, have a shower, and then sleep. Preferably never to wake up again."  
  
"Oh... ok, " Susan said, "I thought we could have dinner but if you don't think you're up to it..."  
  
"Maybe tomorrow," John interrupted, the gentlemanly side of him had died about six hours ago. She wasn't going to play the sympathy card on him.  
  
****   
  
After practically crawling up the steps, he arrived at his apartment. The shower he had took longer than he had hoped, he almost fell asleep several times standing up. He fell into bed and let out a long, relieved sigh. He closed his eyes and thought of nothing but the rest he was about to receive... Then the phone rang.  
  
He thought for awhile about whether he should answer it, for fear that it would be Weaver, begging him to come in again, but he dismissed it because if the ER needed him in they would have paged him. So that meant it could be one of his parents. With that thought he hauled himself out of bed and dragged his body over to the phone. By the time he got there the answering machine clicked into action. He sighed again and sat up against the wall.  
  
"Erm... John? Its Abby. Susan said you had gone home, I guess you're not in yet. Listen I have something important to tell you. I'm off in three hours, so meet me in Doc's at 4:30. It's important John. Okay bye."  
  
The machine clicked again. Normally the sound of Abby's voice on his answer phone would evoke all sorts of emotions from him and would tie his stomach in knots. His fatigue had a strong hold on him however, and he just sat against the wall plain-faced. Why should she bring out anything in him anyways? Besides he was with Susan now.  
  
****   
  
John's eyes opened abruptly and it took him a few seconds to realise where he was. He was still sitting next to his phone, with his bed covers wrapped around his legs. He stared absently around the room before he remembered Abby's message. What time was it? Looking around desperately he noticed in the mirror that his alarm clock said 4:15. It was going to be tight, but he could still make it. It had better be important though. It had to be damn important to keep him from his well-earned slumber.  
  
****   
  
Carter pulled up outside Doc Magoo's and ran through the door, ten minutes late. Why was it that whenever you were in a hurry the traffic decided to be bad, or the lights always changed to red just as you approached them? He looked around half-heartedly expecting Abby to have left, she wasn't the type to wait around and there was no way she would wait around for him. Beginning to turn away he spied her, sitting with her back to him on the other side of the room. He breathed in slowly and contemplated walking out, then he thought about what he was going to say her. He decided to just let her speak, seeing as she had something important to tell him.  
  
He felt his anxiety growing as he approached her, sipping a diet soda with an unlit cigarette in her head. She looked content, from behind anyway.  
  
He stopped a few feet from her and said softly, "are you going to smoke that already?"  
  
Abby jumped and turned to face him, wide-eyed and ready to pounce. She relaxed when she saw who the culprit was, a smile played on the corners of her mouth, "hi."  
  
"Well?" Carter repeated his question, Abby looked at the cigarette, then back up at him, not saying anything. "Well if you're not going to I will," he reached out to take the cigarette from her hand but she flinched away.  
  
"Actually I'd rather you didn't," she said firmly and stubbed it into the table before letting it drop to the floor. John sat opposite her.  
  
"So how are you?" For some reason John thought it was necessary to go ahead with pleasantries, something that he and Abby had never really bothered with before.  
  
"OK I guess, You?"  
  
"Very tired, actually I was just about to sleep when you called, then I fell asleep anyway." He saw a smile play on her lips again.  
  
"How's Susan?"  
  
Carter flinched, he hadn't told her that they were dating, and it was never his plan for her to find out through the grapevine. He could never find the right time to tell her, hell, he couldn't even find the right time to talk to her. "Abby I'm sorry, I was going to tell you about it I just didn't know how." He tried to sound as sincere as possible, "besides it's more about friendship than anything." Abby laughed when she heard this. "What?"  
  
"Nothing... It's just, no nothing."  
  
Silence crept back between them and Carter looked down at the table, a little angered at her reaction. "I know you don't like her..."  
  
"It's got nothing to do with me Carter she's your girlfriend..."  
  
"Then what's so funny about it then?"  
  
"Nothing I told you."  
  
"No don't try and pass this off, tell me what you think."  
  
"Why are you so bothered about what I think?"  
  
Damn. She caught him there, why was he bothered? He couldn't even answer that question to himself let alone to her. He hesitated, "...look I didn't come here to fight with you about Susan, in fact you made me come out here. Don't tell me that you made me miss out on a good nights sleep just because you'd found out about me and Sus..."  
  
"John I'm pregnant..." she burst in. John could only stare at her wide-mouthed. "It's yours." She said it as an answer to a question, but he could not remember saying anything. This was too much, surely it was a dream?  
  
"Abby...?" He felt like such an idiot. He could have been all calm and composed. Buried his shock under a cool exterior. Instead all he could do was mutter her name inquisitively and leave his jaw agape.  
  
"I'm pregnant with your baby John. Eight weeks..." She stared at him intensely, she didn't know what he was going to say, she didn't know what he was going to do, she didn't know what she wanted him to say or do. It was completely up in the air.  
  
"But we only did it once." Carter said, and immediately felt like the stupidest person on the planet.  
  
Abby couldn't help but smile, and she said with a small chuckle, "Well that's all it takes John."  
  
Carter smiled but his face quickly grew solemn, "What do you want me to do?"  
  
He caught her off guard with that, but she regained her composure quickly. "I think you should think about what you want to do." Carter nodded and she got up to leave, "I'd better go."  
  
"No. Please. Stay."  
  
She turned and smiled before saying, "get some sleep Carter. You look like hell..." 


	2. Those Things We Said

Author's Notes: Ok so it didnt take long to write the second part, even though I said it would. But that's mainly due to the wonderful Drumski who gave me some good ideas and set this chapter on the road to completion, kudos :)  
  
Summary: We know that Abby's pregnant, now we get to find out how it happened ;)  
  
  
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Chapter 2 - Those Things We Said  
  
****  
  
October 2001  
  
****  
  
"No.... I'll settle for someone who isn't still hung up over somebody else..." Carter's voice was firm, confident, decided.  
  
Abby took a while trying to think of something better to reply with but in the end she went with the first thing that came into her head... "You don't have to settle for anything Carter." She walked away from the spot by the river putting up a brave front, she didn't want him to get a hint of what he had just done. Crushed her. It had taken so much effort and courage for her to finally say something to him. She had felt and was seeing him slip away from her and she didn't want to wait for him any longer. It was then or never.  
  
And it was never anyway apparently.  
  
****  
  
Carter stood by the river in silence, totally cut off from the things going on around him. He had laughed bitterly when she walked away, leaving him on his own, it was a curious echo of their last talk in the same spot, only last time he walked away from her. Now she had walked away from him. The ball was in his court now, not a nice position to be in. His laughter quickly subsided and he stood stony-faced, thinking about what had just happened. He was definitely right, no doubt about it. She was still hung up over Luka, he had caught enough of the conversations the two of them were having with each other to know that their was something still there, mostly on Abby's side. Luka had moved on, got himself a new girlfriend and was smiling a lot more than he was when he was dating Abby. Abby however was following him around, feeling angry that he had moved on so quickly. In her own words "there had to be history." Well if you looked at Luka you wouldn't have thought it.  
  
He made the right decision. He could wait until he thought she was ready.  
  
But what if he just missed his chance?  
  
The thought took its time to settle in his head, and the reality of it hit him hard. What if she thought he was a lost cause, too caught up in the past to embrace what the future could be like? He knew he couldn't forgive himself if he had just messed up something that could have been special. Could he deal with that? Seeing her everyday and wondering whether it would've lasted.  
  
He started to walk home, but turned around and walked in the opposite direction on the spur of the moment.  
  
He walked fast, knowing that Abby's short frame would be easily caught up with by his long strides. It didn't seem like he was alone for long, so she couldn't have got far.  
  
He skipped through the various streets with ease, feeling the urge to close his eyes to see if he could make it all the way there without looking. It was a childish thought he knew, but it never failed to cross his mind when he was walking somewhere he had been so many times before.  
  
Standing outside the door to her apartment building he contemplated walking away. Taking the coward's way out and doing what he said he would do, "settle." The thought made him shudder, settle was accepting something that isn't as good as what you were aiming for. What would that mean? Another failed affair in his case, another Rena or Roxanne. What was the point in that?  
  
A couple stepped through the doors and politely held the doors open for him. He looked up at the various windows above him before stepping through, calling out a thankyou as the door slammed shut. Turning around, he climbed up the stairs at a snails pace. Thinking about what he would say.  
  
****  
  
Abby flicked off the last light in her apartment and made her way to the bedroom. Dressed in a baggy T-shirt and some sweats, her bad day clothes. Just as she got to the bedroom there was a furious knocking on the door. She thought about whether it was a salesman or some insane preacher, but since when did they call this late at night?  
  
The knocking continued.  
  
Maybe someone from the apartment needed a cup of sugar of something...  
  
The knocking grew louder.  
  
"OK OK!!" She shouted at the door, mumbling curses as she walked towards it. She opened it quickly and readied herself to give the caller a piece of her mind.  
  
Instead her mouth just stayed open, the words were there, they were taking their time.  
  
Carter stood, leaning heavily on the doorframe, a pained expression across his face. He looked at the floor nervously before bringing up the courage to look at her.  
  
"I don't want to settle for anyone but you..."  
  
It took a few seconds for the words to register for her. It was clear-cut though, nothing subtle like, "I don't want to be your friend," this was genuine, and heart-felt. What could she possibly say to that? Nothing was the answer. She took his face in her hands and softly pulled him inside. He was looking at the floor again, anxious about what she was about to say. She wasn't going to say anything.  
  
"Ab..."  
  
His voice was quickly cut off by a deep, passionate kiss. He recovered from the initial surprise and quickly returned her affections, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer towards him, kicking the door shut with a swift boot. They separated and Abby rested her head on his shoulder.  
  
"Thankyou."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"Pretty much everything." She heard him chuckle softly and he kissed the top of her head.  
  
"I suppose I should thank you too."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"For knowing that I didn't know what I was talking about out there."  
  
"John I think the only place where you know what you're talking about is in the trauma room," she said laughing into his chest.  
  
"Well I'm going to have to prove you wrong aren't I?" she looked up at him and saw his face light up. "....You really are beautiful you know that?" He said before kissing her again.  
  
****   
  
Abby woke up the next morning and smiled contentedly to herself, after months of toil and heartache she and John had finally admitted their feelings to each other. She couldn't remember how they had ended up sleeping together, although she didn't care too much.  
  
She rolled over expecting to see John's sleeping form next to her only to be met with crumpled sheets and an indentation in the pillow where his head had been. Shaking out of her half-asleep state she sat up. She looked around the room for signs that he had left, given her luck with men she wouldn't be surprised if he had gone thinking of the night they spent as nothing more than a one-night stand, leaving her to sleep. Her doubts were eased by the sight of his pants on the floor. She breathed a sigh of relief and hopped out of bed, slipping on a robe.  
  
Abby opened the door to find John sitting in an armchair, dressed in a crumbled T-shirt and his boxers, sipping on a cup of coffee. He looked deep in thought staring out of the window, and she wondered whether she should interrupt him.  
  
"Sorry." John mumbled, "I didn't want to wake you."  
  
"It's ok, I needed the sleep." She looked down at the floor waiting for him to say something. After a few moments of silence she walked into the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee.  
  
"About last night..." she heard Carter say.  
  
"What about it?" she asked, unable to control the urge to smile.  
  
"Well, I just thought..." he trailed off, staring out the window again, taking a sip of his coffee. She waited for him to finish but he didn't, instead he just stared. What could possibly be going through that head of his?  
  
"Thought what?" she said, and John's head shook a little, snapping him out of his thoughts.  
  
"Well... you know..." John continued looking out the window.  
  
"No I don't. Maybe you can tell me?"  
  
He turned to face her, the first time he had looked at her since she walked in. "That we are on the same page... I just wondered whether we are on the same page."  
  
Abby frowned, "what do you mean? You can answer that yourself if you ask me. Remember last night John?" she smiled and she saw him chuckle inwardly.  
  
"Yeah... well you know I want to make sure that we are both thinking on the same wavelength...."  
  
"I'm still not following you," Abby interrupted, and she saw John grimace.  
  
"I want to make sure that this wasn't just..."  
  
"Sex?" Abby answered, "You wanted to know whether this was just sex? Why is that what you're thinking?"  
  
"No! Not at all, but I just wanted to make sure that we were both getting the same thing out of this."  
  
Abby walked over and put her arms around him, "John, I don't think you realise how much last night meant to me." She smiled and rested her head on his chest. "Remember what I said last night? I've been waiting for this."  
  
Carter stroked her hair softly, "it meant a lot to me too. That's why I wanted to make sure we weren't jumping into anything."  
  
Abby squeezed her arms tighter, "yeah I know what you mean."  
  
John smiled, "Yeah, and look how you and Luka turned out..."  
  
Abby stepped out of the hug the two were sharing and frowned, "I was talking about me and Richard."  
  
Carter raised his eyebrows, "Oh right yeah. Well Luka too."  
  
"No, Luka and I didn't rush into anything," Abby began to grow angry.  
  
"Oh come on Abby, you two were miserable together, he killed a guy on your first date and then you slept with him out of pity..."  
  
"Excuse me I did not sleep with him out of pity!"  
  
"Just look at the way you both ended up, being in a relationship that had nothing but sex and confrontation."  
  
"Wait a second Carter," Abby felt her face growing red with anger, "don't think you know everything about what happened between me and Luka. I didn't tell you everything."  
  
"Oh what like all the wonderful times you two spent together? All the fun you had? All the times you connected emotionally? Yeah that must have just slipped your mind..."  
  
"Shut up! Don't talk like you know exactly what happened between us."  
  
"Don't patronise me Abby. Everyone could see that you two were never happy together. I mean Jesus, didn't it all end in a ball of flames?"  
  
"Yeah, but..."  
  
"But what?"  
  
"I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you!"  
  
"I can't believe you're still defending him to me. Maybe I was right in the first place, maybe you're not over him... Maybe...." Carter looked away, pursing his lips together.  
  
"Maybe what?" Abby felt her anger growing and growing.  
  
"Maybe this was a bad idea..." Carter couldn't look at her as he said it, he felt like such a coward, but there was no point in sugar coating anything.  
  
"A bad idea!" Abby mimicked, "You think sleeping with me was a bad idea?!" Abby walked towards her front door, "Screw whether I have feelings for you, if you say something like that how can you have feelings for me?!"  
  
Carter looked down at his feet, feeling like a schoolchild, "Abby I never said that I didn't..."  
  
"You know what just go." Abby opened her door and stood beside it, waiting for him to leave. She was trying with everything she had to stop herself crying harder than she had ever cried before.  
  
"Abby..."  
  
"GO!" Abby shouted. John let out a long saddened sigh before walking into the bedroom. A few seconds later he emerged fully clothed, and grabbed his coat off the rack. He turned to say something to Abby before he left but the look on her face prevented him doing so. He saw a lonely tear stumble down her cheek and she whispered, "just go..." he turned and left.  
  
Abby held onto the door handle for a few moments, pondering whether to open it again and bolt down the stairs, catch up with him and kiss him with all her energy. Instead she fell onto the floor, crying with all her might. 


	3. Old Ground

Author's Notes: I made a few alterations to the two previous chapters, including dates at the top so it is easier to follow the story. We've jumped forward in this chapter, the next one will jump back again.  
  
Oh and the song at the end, I really didnt want to use any song lyrics in this fic but this one fit this chapter and the story in general so well I couldnt leave it out. It's 'Country Feedback# by R.E.M.  
  
Summary: Carter needs to talk  
  
  
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Chapter 3 - Old Ground  
  
****  
  
May 2002  
  
****  
  
John Carter stood outside for a few moments, pondering over whether to enter or not. It had been a while since the last time he had come here, and he hadn't much to say then. What was so different now? Well he was going to be a father for one.  
  
Taking a look around the gardens he spotted a lonely bench some way off. He still had plenty of time, so he decided to collect his thoughts. He walked the paths absentmindedly, listening to his feet scuffing along the gravel, and tightening his scarf when the bitter night wind tried to make him change his mind. He didn't know what had made him come here, after going so long without even thinking about it all of a sudden he realised that he needed to talk. He didn't want to be fussed over, he didn't want people suggesting things or telling him what to do. He just wanted to talk, and all he wanted was someone who would listen.  
  
He sat down on the bench and took his gloves off. Looking around and taking in the surroundings he remembered what he liked so much about this place. It seemed so 'otherworldly' so detached from the huge mess that his life had become. A mish-mash of choices to make and choices to worry about. Whether they were right or wrong. Right here on this bench in the middle of nowhere he felt like he didn't have a care in the world, which was far from the truth.  
  
He saw a few more people strolling around, some he recognised, and others he didn't. His eye seemed to stick on the couples, walking around hand in hand or with protective arms around each other. He felt all the more small and petty. It wasn't the best attitude to have at a time like this, but he was comfortable with it in this place. Nowhere else could he admit to being so disconnected.  
  
Standing up once again, he put on his gloves before making his way back, determined to enter this time. He would still be early, but that would give him time to prepare what he was going to say. It ran through his head over and over again, the events of the last five months condensed into a few seconds. When looked at in that way it seemed all the more puzzling.  
  
He walked into the church and smiled at the woman standing at the door. He dropped a few pennies into the collection plate and carried on walking down a small side walkway, briefly looking through the main doors to see the main building of the church. A few 'lost souls' sitting alone on pews with their heads bowed and their hands entwined, whispering their hopes and fears. It felt like the perfect place to sit and talk, but he needed the human touch. He needed people who understood what he had been through and what he was going through. He needed people who would offer nothing but support, and that was why he came here.  
  
He continued up the walkway until he came to a lone door at the end. Turning the knob he looked around apprehensively, unable to see anyone inside. Small, cramped pews were empty, facing a podium elevated by a wooden platform. Again he felt the urge to turn and leave again, go over his problems in his head, never really saying what he wanted to say.  
  
He opened the door fully and stepped inside, removing the doubt from his brain, as well as the arrogance that was always there, telling him that he could deal with anything that was thrown at him on his own. He had learned to ignore that part of his thoughts, because it had landed him in hot water on more than one occasion, almost costing him his life.  
  
At the end of the room, just beyond the podium there was a small table with a coffee machine resting on it. Carter felt relieved that there was someone else there, for some reason he needed to see someone, anyone, before the rest of the group arrived. A small side door lying hidden against the far wall shook briefly and opened, revealing a man carrying two jugs of milk and a jar of sugar. The figure didn't notice John until he had put the items down on the table.  
  
"Dr. Carter?" the man smiled warmly, "this is a pleasant surprise, we were starting to get worried."  
  
"Hi Pete," Carter replied, "It's been awhile."  
  
"About five months to be exact."  
  
"Yeah I'm sorry... I uh, had a lot of problems."  
  
"All the more reason to keep coming Dr. Carter."  
  
"Yeah I know, it's just been a little hectic that's all."  
  
"Really?... You want to talk about it."  
  
"Maybe later."  
  
"Sure..."  
  
Carter looked around the room again briefly before taking a seat, waiting for the rest of the group to arrive. Gradually various members filed in and took a seat, a few of them recognised and greeted him. He had been a constant presence in this room for many months, then he disappeared. Many of them figured he had a superiority complex, thinking that he had been clean for a period of time so he didn't need to keep going to meetings, but that was far from the truth. He was being so constricted by what had been happening he couldn't find the time nor bring himself to go in.  
  
The routines that he had missed for the last five months were dealt with and it soon came to the time where people stood up to share. Share their fears, doubts and achievements. His brain was still running through what had to be said when a woman, who he did not recognise, stood up quickly and took her place at the podium. She took her time starting, taking a sip of a glass of water that rested beside her, and then clearing her throat. She was an alcoholic, sober for four months after her husband and eldest daughter had forced her into rehab. It turned out she started drinking after her father passed away, and it soon became, in her words, "an ever-present force," that had a hold over her. Carter slipped into deep thought about whether he could share or not, doubt overcoming him.  
  
When he snapped out of his musings a man was standing at the podium in tears. Pete was standing next to him with an arm round his shoulders, telling him that it was ok. The man slowly regained his composure and continued to talk about how alcohol had cost him his job, his girlfriend, and his son. The man sniffed loudly and made his way back to his seat. The podium remained empty for a few seconds and John felt himself stand up and walk slowly over to it. He took a sip of water and stepped up onto the wooden platform.  
  
"Well, it's tough to know where to begin. I've had so many things happen to me over the last few years it's hard to find a place to start from.  
  
"I've been clean for well over a year now and it's easy for me to not think about shooting. It's just that my life has become so hard that my mind comes up with all kinds of doubts and fears. Not about me or my past, I'm worried about the future, what is going to happen. The last five months have gone so quickly that I hadn't realised I so desperately needed to talk, and that I genuinely needed help.  
  
"It's strange I say that the last five months have gone so quickly because it seems like more has happened in those few months than what has happened in my whole life. That's probably a lie, but what has happened so far in my life has not been as significant to me as what has happened recently. It's strangely overwhelming.  
  
"Just before Christmas a friend that I had feelings for for a long time said that she wanted something to happen between us. At first I told her that she wasn't ready for a relationship, and we both said some horrible things. In the end she left me standing by the river and walked off. At first I was angry with her, but I never figured out why. I realised that it was me, I was the one being difficult. I kept putting up these barriers that prevented us from ever really knowing what was going to happen or how we really felt for each other. I felt really bad for what I said, because I was lying, I was lying to her as well as myself... We ended up spending the night together, we got so caught up in our feelings for each other we couldn't control what we were doing.  
  
"The next morning I had doubts, I have no idea why. I do know that those doubts wrecked everything and those doubts still plague me now. We got into an argument over something that I said, something that I didn't mean and something I didn't understand. I know now why she got so angry, I was thinking that I knew everything about her and what had happened to her. Needless to say, we both got angry and I said something that I should never have said. It was a pathetic, childish remark and every time I stop to think about what I said it sends a shiver down my spine. I will never forgive myself for hurting her so much.  
  
"For a long time we ignored each other, it was a horrible time for me. I Had to live with the knowledge that I had wrecked something special because I couldn't control my temper in the heat of the moment. I never plucked up the courage to say I was sorry, I hardly ever even spoke to her. I was just so afraid that she wouldn't forgive me. I could never bring myself to apologise, and when I look at it that way I really don't understand it.  
  
"Then one day she phoned me and said we needed to talk. By this time I had become involved with another woman... Anyway we met up and started talking, and it didn't take us long to start arguing again. I hadn't told her that I was dating another woman and we argued about it... and then she told me she was pregnant... It just blew my whole world away right there. Nothing has ever been the same.  
  
"...It... I just couldn't figure out what was going on and... and it felt like I was choking, so many big decisions to make but I had no clue about what I was going to do or what I wanted. I was struggling for air and... I couldn't see a way out without people getting hurt.  
  
"I don't know how many times I have become so afraid that I feel like I'm all alone. It's just... It's just that I don't know what to do, and I don't know what is expected of me. I don't know what she expects of me. It's too hard right now... there are far too many questions with no answers. It's going to be a struggle, but I have to figure out what the answers are..."  
  
John sighed heavily and took a sip of water before heading back to his seat. It had been a long time since he last shared, and he forgot how emotional it could make you. He sat hunched over and rubbed his forehead with his hand, feeling an incoming headache. He wiped away the tears that had formed in his eyes and listened politely to the rest of the people sharing.  
  
As the meeting drew to a close, Carter saw Pete looking at him from his place next to the table. When everyone had risen from their seats Carter walked over to the table and began to make himself a cup of coffee. Pete stood next to him.  
  
"Wow..."  
  
Carter smiled wryly, "yeah I know. I told you it's been hectic."  
  
"You should've come here sooner Dr. Carter. It took a lot to get that all off your chest."  
  
"I know," Carter sipped on his coffee, "but it felt good."  
  
"It's always good to talk."  
  
"Yeah," Carter nodded, "Well I think I'd better be going," he turned and started to head for the door.  
  
"Dr. Carter!" Carter turned around, "Don't make it another five months before we see you again."  
  
"Ok."  
  
As he walked out of the church Carter didn't feel any closer to putting everything in perspective, but he did feel like he had become less constricted by what had happened. He left with the questions that had brought him there at the forefront of his mind...  
  
****  
  
This flower is scorched  
This film is on  
On a maddening loop.  
These clothes,  
These clothes don't fit us right  
I'm to blame  
It's all the same  
It's all the same  
  
You come to me with a bone in your hand  
You come to me with your hair curled tight  
You come to me with positions  
You come to me with excuses  
Ducked out in a row  
You wear me out  
You wear me out  
  
We've been through fake-a-breakdown  
Self hurt  
Plastics, collections  
Self help, self pain,  
EST, psychics, fuck all  
I was central  
I had control  
I lost my head  
I need this  
I need this  
A paper weight, junk garage  
Winter rain, a honey pot  
Crazy, all the lovers have been tagged.  
A hotline, a wanted ad  
It's crazy what you could've had  
It's crazy what you could've had  
It's crazy what you could've had  
I need this  
I need this 


	4. Woke Up This Morning

Author's Notes: Sorry this took so long. I had a bad case of writers block coupled with me not having much time at home to write. So here is chapter four, five shouldnt be too far away.  
  
Summary: Carter tells Susan about Abby  
  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Chapter 4 - Woke Up This Morning  
  
****  
  
December 2001  
  
****  
  
Carter continued running down the corridors of the hospital searching frantically. He felt hot and tired, and had no idea why he was still going. He had been running for what felt like hours down long, empty corridors. There were no side-doors, stairs or lifts. The walkway seemed to stretch on forever. Still he kept on running, hoping that he would find what he was looking for.  
  
Suddenly a small opening appeared to his left, revealing another long corridor. This one was different from the rest. The walls were a light green colour and one side had windows running all the way down. Long shards of sunlight were lying across the floor and walls making the temperature rise considerably. He turned and picked up his pace, the sunlight causing the sweat to run down into his eyes, stinging them momentarily. He could see a door a little further up ahead and, not knowing if it was the right way, sprinted for it. As he approached the door he could see the outline of a person through the small, round window at the top. When he got closer he could make out the form of a nurse. He tried desperately to open the door and catch up with her, but the door wouldn't open. He tried pulling harder but it held fast. Carter saw the nurse walk further and further away from him, she then turned quickly and walked through a side corridor. He heard a click and tried pushing through the door once again, it opened. He sprinted down the hall with everything he had left in him and turned as he got to the point the nurse disappeared from view. He was met with a short hall with a large metal door at the end. The door looked as though it wouldn't be moved by anything but when he approached it all it took was a soft push and the door swung wide open.   
  
He walked through apprehensively, going into a large room with a door on each of its four walls, which were painted a different colour. First he tried the door on the side of the room painted blue. He opened it and was immediately met with a strong gust of wind, almost knocking him off his feet. Moving quickly, he pushed the door shut and leant heavily against it, catching his breath. He walked up to the door on the side of the room painted pink and flinched slightly as he opened it. This time all he could see was a reflection of himself staring back at him.   
  
With a sigh, he made for the last door, on the side of the room painted red. When he opened it he was met with the sight of another corridor, although this one had a more promising feel to it. The walls were a deep red colour, and there were seats against the wall all the way up. Walking quickly to the end he was met with the sight of a large window, looking into a room with no obvious way of entering. As he approached the window he caught sight of the nurse again, this time standing over a cot. He tried to look for a way inside but couldn't find anyway through. Looking around frantically he saw a small vent to his left and darted for it. Crawling through he could see the nurse's feet in the gap up ahead. When he made it to the end she had vanished, but the cot remained in the centre of the room. He walked over to it, and slowly turned it to face him...  
  
"Gah!"  
  
Carter awoke with a shock and sat up in his bed, breathing heavily, his whole body covered in sweat. Looking up at his clock he noticed that he had only been asleep for about two hours, and he felt the ache's and pains that been with him since he got home return slowly. He flopped back down on the bed and closed his eyes, it was impossible to sleep with something so huge weighing on your mind. Abby was pregnant, he was going to be a father, what was going to happen?  
  
He crawled out from under his bed sheets and made his way to the living room. Noticing a message on his machine, he clicked play and slumped against the wall.  
  
"Hey Carter it's Susan. I hope you got a good sleep because I've booked us a table at Luigi's for nine o'clock. Think of it as making up for last night. Listen, no buts Carter, I'll meet you there."  
  
****  
  
Walking up to the restaurant Susan was meeting him at Carter stopped in front of a large shop window briefly. He could faintly make out his reflection, he looked a mess, his hair was greasy and messy, his face was unshaven and he had large bags under his eyes. This was hardly the look to go for when going on a date with your girlfriend, but he had tried his best.  
  
He walked into Luigi's and looked around for Susan, he saw her sitting at a table staring out into space. He approached her and attempted to look awake.  
  
"Hi," Susan looked up at him and he saw her hold back a grimace. A smile played on her lips.  
  
"Hi handsome," she mocked, "what the hell happened to you?"  
  
Carter shook his head, "never mind,"  
  
"You look a mess Carter," John could tell she was a little angry, "couldn't you even iron yourself a shirt?" Carter looked down and was met with a maze of creases, Susan smiled again, "what was the matter, all the servants were busy?"  
  
"I'm sorry I look like hell. In fact I'm sorry I feel like hell too. Ever think to ask me that?"  
  
Susan's smile faded and she looked down at the table, "Sorry Carter, it's just that I think you look good when you make the effort to look good. It looks like you've just thrown those clothes on."  
  
"Well that pretty much sums it all up," Carter said as he slumped into his chair.  
  
"So what's up?"  
  
"What? Oh nothing it's just that I had a lot of trouble sleeping."  
  
"You had trouble sleeping? Last time I saw you it looked like you were ready to pass out." Carter's expression fell, a sudden wave of realisation hit him. He was going to have to tell her... tonight. The thought made him go cold. How was he going to do this?  
  
****  
  
As the waiter placed two plates of spaghetti onto the table thoughts continued running through Carter's mind. How was he going to tell her? What was it going to mean for them? What was she going to say? He could faintly hear Susan talking to him about a patient she had seen who had insomnia.  
  
"He looked a lot like you do now actually, he was complaining about his parents always giving him a hard time about his education. They were putting so much pressure on him they didn't realise that he had started to feel downhearted. He said all he needed from them was a little encouragement. It had been going on for four months and he's hardly slept at all since. He was such a mess. It's such a shame when parents push their kids so hard they forget about important things don't you think? ...Carter? ...Carter are you listening to me?"  
  
Resting his head on the palm of his hand John was staring at Susan but his mind was in a completely different place. "Wha?...Yeah of course I'm listening."  
  
"So what do you think?"  
  
"About what?"  
  
"See you're not listening. I was talking about the insomniac I saw today. His parents came in eventually, I could see what he was talking about. They bombarded me with questions about whether he was going to be ok, if treatment was necessary and whether the treatment was going to affect his studies. You know they never once asked him if he was ok..." Again Carter slipped away, his eyes focusing on the napkin inside its chrome holder. The distorted reflection of his two-day-old stubble, his bed hair, his absent eyes, he couldn't remember ever looking or feeling so tired. "Carter!" He snapped back to reality again. "You're not listening to me!"  
  
"What? Yeah sure I am."  
  
"No you're not. Carter, you either tell me what's on your mind or we leave. There's no point in having dinner together if we can't have a conversation with each other.  
  
"It's nothing really."  
  
"No. Don't lie to me. Carter you look terrible, please, just tell me what's wrong." Her face wore a concerned look. He couldn't resist any longer.  
  
"It's... It's about Abby."  
  
"Abby? What about Abby?"  
  
"It's... well she called me last..."  
  
"You know I worry about you. You always seem to be so caught up with what she's doing. Whenever she's working you can't take your eyes off her. You always look so... strange whenever she's around."  
  
"Well you know..."  
  
"I tried to ignore it. I did. Because when you were with me you seemed to forget all about it. We laughed, enjoyed ourselves, then we would go back to work and it would be exactly the same thing. It's getting a little annoying Carter."  
  
"Yeah I know. It's just..."  
  
"I know you had something going on with her before I came back but you're with me now. You shouldn't be so caught up about it. You never even went out did you?" Carter was beginning to grow angry, he was trying to tell Susan the truth about why he had been acting so strange around Abby but he couldn't find a way in.  
  
"Susan."  
  
"I think whatever happened between you two you need to talk it over and straighten it out..."  
  
"SUSAN, SHE'S PREGNANT!" He stood up as he shouted at her and she sat straight in her chair, staring at him in shock. He looked up at the rest of the tables and saw everyone looking at the two of them. His face turning red, he lent down and said softly, "can we go somewhere and talk?"  
  
****   
  
"I don't understand," Susan said as they walked through a small park, "You told me it was undefined."  
  
Carter shrugged, "well it was, back then."  
  
Susan quickly understood what he was saying and nodded, "how far along is she?"  
  
"Eight weeks."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"We had a stupid argument, it was all my fault. Now she hardly speaks to me."  
  
"When did she tell you?"  
  
"Yesterday."  
  
"What are you going to do?"  
  
"She told me to think about it. I don't know what's going to happen though."  
  
"What about us?"  
  
Carter looked up at Susan, he took hold of her hand, stroking it tenderly with his thumb he replied, "I'm not sure."  
  
Susan pulled him into a hug and closed her eyes. "I don't think it will work."  
  
John sniffed, "why?"  
  
"Because you will always be thinking about her and the baby, every moment you spend with me you will thinking about your baby. Every moment you spend at work you will be thinking about your baby. Every day and every night, you will be thinking about your child." She stepped out of the hug and took hold of his shoulders, "I won't be the most important thing to you, and it will never work out because of that."  
  
Carter nodded, "So... Do you want to call it?"  
  
They both smiled before Susan nodded, "I'm dumping you John Carter." She smiled and they both laughed.  
  
"I think it's for the best."  
  
"Yeah... Yeah it is."  
  
"I had a good time though."  
  
"Me too."  
  
They parted and started to walk their separate ways when Susan called out, "Carter!" He turned and she walked up to him, taking hold of his hand she said, "If you ever need to talk... I'm here."  
  
Carter smiled, "Thankyou." He looked down at the floor before adding, "so... what should I do?"  
  
Susan let go of his hand and started to walk away, she called out over her shoulder, "You need to think long and hard about that. Whatever happens, make sure you do the right thing." John began to walk when Susan called him, "Carter!"  
  
Again he turned around, "yeah?"  
  
"Talk to her." 


	5. Rest Easy

Author's Notes: I realise that this could seem like an ending of sorts, but I'm not done yet ;-) Angst is on its way in the next chapter.  
  
Summary: Carter finally talks to Abby about the baby  
  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Chapter 5 - Rest Easy  
  
****   
  
January 2002  
  
****   
  
"And how often has this happened?" Carter looked at the patient, whose eyes had inexplicably swollen up.  
  
"Three times in the past month."  
  
"Really? Anything similar about those three times?"  
  
"No I can't think of anything."  
  
"Now are you sure that you don't have any allergies?"  
  
"Positive, I hardly ever got sick as a kid."  
  
"Well Mr Howls, I think your eye swelling is a result of an allergic reaction. Unfortunately, unless you can remember something significant about each time it happened we won't know what caused it."  
  
"So what am I going to do wait for these things to calm down?"  
  
"No no, I'll give you some eye drops for that, they should go down in a couple of days."  
  
"Days? But Doc, my brother's getting married tomorrow. I can't be the best man and look like this."  
  
"Well I'm afraid that the eye drops are all I can give you, and they'll take a few days to reduce the swelling. I guess you'll have to wear sunglasses."  
  
"Yeah I guess."  
  
"Ok I'll be back in a little while with your prescription."  
  
"Thanks Doc."  
  
"No problem." Carter walked out of the curtain area pleased with himself. Last night he had actually had a half-decent nights sleep and his cheerful demeanour was obvious to everyone at County, who had been noticing his bad moods. Getting a good nights sleep had meant that not only did his mood improve, he was also breezing through patients with ease. Thanks to him the board was pretty clear. He collected Mr Howl's prescription and gave it to him, before moving on to another patient.  
  
"Ok, what have we got here?"  
  
Haleh walked closely behind him, filling him in on the patient's details. "Amy O'Brian, 21, she has a pretty nasty..."  
  
"Cut on her arm. Hi Amy," he said as he approached the bed, "How did you manage that?"  
  
"I was playing basketball with my little brother, I cut myself on broken glass. He smashed a window."  
  
"That is deep." Carter said, inspecting the cut, "that's going to need a few stitches. Where's your brother now?"  
  
"I left him with the neighbours. He hates hospitals."  
  
Carter chuckled, "I did too when I was little. How old is he?"  
  
"He's seven," Amy replied.  
  
"Ok Amy I'm going to get this cut cleaned and stitched in no time. I'll be right back." Carter walked out only to be met with a flurry of activity in front of him. A trauma had just arrived. Weaver and Chen were shouting out orders and the paramedic listing all sorts of injuries. Carter made his way over to the trauma room. "What have we got?" he said as he burst through the doors.  
  
"Paul Whitman, 45, GSW to the lower abdomen and left thigh. He was caught up in a shoot-out." Chen said while tending to the man.  
  
"Paul?" Carter leant over the man's face, "Paul can you hear me?"  
  
"Yeah..." Whitman whispered.  
  
"Do you know where you are?"  
  
"In the hospital. What happened?"  
  
"You got shot Mr Whitman, twice."  
  
"Twice?"  
  
"Yeah twice. Pupils equal and reactive..." The three of them worked steadily to stabilise Whitman's condition. Carter meanwhile, felt fatigue catching up with him. After twenty minutes it was safe to move him.  
  
"Ok it looks like no major damage was done. The second bullet is lodged in his thigh," Weaver said, "we need to get him up to the OR now."  
  
"Ok is he stable?"  
  
"We got it Carter thanks." The gurney was pushed out and most of the staff followed it. Carter and two nurses were left. Carter put his gloves and gown into the waste disposal and headed for the ambulance bay.  
  
****   
  
Susan walked out into the bay and saw Carter, cutting a lonely figure, sitting on a bench across the street smoking a cigarette. She walked over to him and sat down.  
  
"Hey you," she said, "when did you start smoking?"  
  
Carter smiled, "this is just to pass me over."  
  
"How are you holding up?"  
  
"Ok I guess, I'm starting to feel a little tired."  
  
"I'm not surprised the way you've been working. How much sleep did you get?"  
  
"About five, maybe six, hours."  
  
"Is that good?"  
  
Carter laughed again, "actually the best night's sleep I've had in a month."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Really. Kinda freaky huh?"  
  
"Not for you..." they both smiled, "So... have you spoken to Abby yet?"  
  
Carter breathed out a long puff of smoke, "erm, no not exactly."  
  
"Carter," Susan nagged.  
  
"I know, I know! I was going to do it yesterday. I saw her go into the lounge and I just couldn't follow her in. No matter how hard I tried."  
  
"You've got to talk to her sooner or later."  
  
"I know it's just, things are complicated."  
  
"They're only complicated because you make them complicated. It's been three weeks since she told you Carter. If you don't say something soon she's going to think that you don't care... You do care don't you?"  
  
Carter's head snapped up, "Oh god yeah of course I care. I care about what happens to my child... I care about what happens to the two of us."  
  
"Well then you have to tell her."  
  
"The thing is..." he looked down at his hands, "I don't know what to say to her."  
  
Susan put her hand on his back, "Just think a little, you'll figure it out." As she got up to leave she said, "You'll do it won't you?"  
  
"Maybe tomorrow..."  
  
Susan smiled, "Talk to her Carter."  
  
****   
  
"Ok Amy," Carter said as he walked into the curtain area, "I'll get you stitched up now."  
  
"Don't the nurses normally do that?"  
  
"Well... yeah but you are my one and only patient at the moment so I'll do it myself."  
  
"Ok."  
  
Carter began to suture Amy's cut when Abby walked into the room. She looked a little tired but it seemed as though she was coping. Carter watched her walk through the doors and approach them. "Hi Abby," he said cheerfully, "what's up?"  
  
Abby looked confused, "erm Dr. Lewis said you needed some help in here."  
  
"Really because I..." Carter began to tell her she wasn't needed when he realised what Susan had done. It was sneaky of her, but he supposed that now was as good a time as any to talk to her. "Actually yeah I needed to talk to you, would you wait for me, I'll only be five minutes."  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Ok thanks." He watched Abby walk out of the room and start to make her way up to the front desk, looking through the blinds at him.  
  
"Dr. Carter?"  
  
"Oh sorry. Ok let's get you fixed up."  
  
"Something going on there?" Amy said with a smile. Carter grinned and started suturing. When he finished he stood up and took his gloves off.  
  
"Ok Amy, you're good to go. I'll have one of the nurses take care of the other stuff for you. You should be out of here in no time." He heard her call out a thankyou as he walked towards the front desk, where Abby was waiting for him.  
  
"What did you want to talk about?"  
  
"Erm... is it ok if we go over to Doc's?"  
  
"I guess so."  
  
"Good," Carter walked toward the exit and looked over his shoulder briefly to see Abby looking at him quizzically. They walked into Doc's and headed for the same booth they always shared, the one where they sat together, the one where they splurged together, the one where she told him she was pregnant... Carter waited for Abby to sit down, then sat opposite her. "So... How are you doing?"  
  
Abby tilted her head and smiled, "I could ask you the same question."  
  
"Don't worry about me. How are you?"  
  
Abby looked down and blushed slightly, "I'm fine. I've been having a little trouble sleeping but it's ok."  
  
"And the baby?"  
  
Abby, still looking down, replied, "everything's fine."  
  
"Good, good. Glad to hear it..." Slowly silence crept back in between them. Carter was trying to think of what he could say. How he was going to get his message across. Abby's head lifted.  
  
"John, if you've got something to say just say it. There's no point in dragging me out here then not saying anything. We both know why we're here."  
  
Carter looked up at her face and he saw what he feared, the signs of a woman who was doing her best but just couldn't stay in control of what was happening to her. Her face was worn, and she was bracing herself. Carter slowly and carefully took hold of her hands. "Abby, when you told me that you were going to have a baby... the only thing that entered my head was pure joy. I might have looked sad, surprised, angry, I don't know..."  
  
"You were definitely surprised Carter," Abby said, a smile playing on the corners of her mouth.  
  
"Ok so I was a little shocked... What I'm trying to say is that when you told me I felt so excited about being a dad. The only thing that I've had doubts with..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Was whether you would want me around or not."  
  
"John..."  
  
"I never meant to hurt you Abby. And I didn't mean what I said that day. I was angry and I was being petty. Please understand that I didn't mean any of what I said. Please understand that I want to be there with you."  
  
Abby smiled, "What?"  
  
"I want to be there for you and our baby. Every single step of the way I want to be there. I don't want to be the guy down the street, I want to be there with you."  
  
Abby smiled brightly and Carter saw small tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "I am so happy you said that John. To tell you the truth I wasn't sure whether I could raise this baby on my own. It means a lot to me that you want to be involved in this." They both sat and smiled for a moment, smiling at each other when Abby finally got up and said, "we'd better get back to work." She walked out of Doc's, leaving Carter sitting alone, slightly confused.  
  
****   
  
"I can't believe you did that," Carter sat in the ambulance bay with Susan, his shift close to its end. He was supposed to be angry, but they were both smiling.  
  
"Well you were never going to talk to her."  
  
"What so you forced me to do it?"  
  
Susan chuckled, "I never forced you, I just gave you a push that's all. You should be thankful."  
  
"Yeah well... No you're right I am thankful," he said with a laugh.  
  
"So how did it go?"  
  
"Pretty well actually. I am going to be involved in my child's life. I am going to support Abby through her pregnancy."  
  
"What about you and Abby?"  
  
Carter stopped, the one thing they hadn't discussed was whether they were going to get back together, perhaps it was better that they didn't. "You know we didn't talk about that."  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"I'm not sure. I guess I'm going to have to think about that too."  
  
"Well your shift is over," Susan said, glancing at her watch, "so you might as well start thinking now."  
  
"Yeah I guess so. Thanks for doing that Susan."  
  
"No problem."  
  
"I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
****   
  
Carter climbed the stairs that led to his apartment building reluctantly, wondering why there wasn't a lift. His knees creaked with every step, and he closed his eyes while ascending the final set. Maybe tonight he was finally going to get some sleep. He made his way up the final three steps in one jump and stretched out, groaning loudly.  
  
"Tough day?"  
  
The voice made him jump and he almost lost his balance, not a good idea seeing as he had four flights of stairs behind him. His eyes shot open and he was met with the sight of Abby, sitting alone at the foot of his apartment door. He approached her and she stood up.  
  
"I didn't know whether you were working or not, so I thought I'd just wait here. I hope you don't mind?"  
  
Carter shook his head firmly, "no, no I don't mind at all. Come in please." He opened the door and stood aside to let her in. She walked through and sat down on the couch. Carter followed and stood in the centre of the room, feeling slightly awkward. "Can I get you something to drink?"  
  
"No I'm fine thanks..." silence crept back in and John cursed himself for letting things get like this. He should never have let things get so distanced. He looked down at Abby, her cheeks a pale pink from blushing, pulling something out of her pocket. She stood up and looked at Carter, holding out something. "I erm... I had this done today. I thought you should have it."  
  
Carter took the item from Abby's hands and examined it. It was a photograph, an ultrasound photograph, a picture of his baby, their baby. "Is this?..." Abby nodded before he could finish the question. "Wow, look at that," he smiled brightly and looked up at Abby, "thankyou so much for this." He took a step closer to her and leant down, affectionately kissing her on the cheek. They both stood in silence, an awkward moment passing between them. Carter looked back down at the photo, "this is incredible. This is our baby."  
  
"Our baby," Abby repeated.  
  
John looked up at her before looking back down at the photograph quickly. "Abby I just want to tell you that I really want to be as much a part of this as possible."  
  
Abby smiled, "I know John, you already told me."  
  
"I know, I know. I just want to make sure you..."  
  
"I know..." Abby looked around the room quickly and started to make her way towards the door.  
  
"You don't have to leave just yet," Carter called after her, Abby turned around. "I would like it if you stayed."  
  
Abby looked down and shook her head, "I ah... I have to work tomorrow." She went to make for the door again, Carter walked ahead of her and opened it for her.  
  
"You can stay if you want to..." Abby stopped in front of him and smiled, she took his hand in her own and gave it a soft squeeze, before walking out. Carter closed the door slowly and heard the bolt click. Standing with his hand on the door he thought for a moment before opening it again quickly, "Abby!" he ran out and looked over the stair rail, seeing her walking down slowly, "Abby," she looked up at him. He moved to the top of the stairs and looked down at his shoes, "do you think... do you think we have a future together?" She looked at him with a puzzled expression. Carter pursed his lips together and looked up at her, "do you think that we..." he stopped mid-sentence when he saw Abby smiling.  
  
"Goodnight John," she smiled again before turning and walking down the stairs. Leaving Carter standing at the top, unsure what she meant. Maybe that sleep was going to have to wait. 


	6. Revelations

Author's Notes: Took a little longer than I hoped it would, I got stuck, but I've finally finished chapters 6 & 7. This fic is finally reaching its climax :)  
  
Summary: Abby has a confession to make to Carter  
  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Chapter 6 - Revelations  
  
****   
  
May 2002  
  
****   
  
Carter climbed the stairs of his apartment building slowly, carrying his shopping under his arm. He had been working all day and as soon as he got home he had to go out again to the grocery store. He stopped by the video store on his way and rented a couple of movies, cementing his intentions to stay in for the rest of the night and not do anything.  
  
As he got to his front door he could faintly hear the sound of his TV playing. Sighing loudly, he pushed his keys into the front door and walked inside. Abby was lying on the couch, her head hidden behind the arm, her protruding bump rising into his field of vision. After about a month of asking and then begging, Carter had finally persuaded Abby to move in with him. Abby was being her stubborn self and insisting that she could look after herself. Carter had no doubts that she could, but she didn't have to look after herself when she had him to do it for her. She moved in, albeit reluctantly, but only to, "keep Carter satisfied," which was the reason she gave to Susan.  
  
Abby rolled slightly and her head popped into view, "did you get it?"  
  
Carter couldn't help but smile, "chocolate fudge Abby. Just as you asked."  
  
Abby smiled brightly, "thanks, give it here..."  
  
Carter laughed, "you said it wasn't a craving. Let me just get some spoons."  
  
"I can get a spoon myself thank you very much," she snapped, "and who said you were having any?"  
  
They both laughed, "well seeing as I had to go out in the freezing wind to get it for you. I should think that I'm entitled to have some."  
  
"Is it cold out?"  
  
"Very."  
  
"Liar," she smiled, "you just want some of my ice cream."  
  
Carter laughed as he walked through to the kitchen. The two of them had been getting on well in recent months. The easygoing relationship that they had shared before had returned. To Carter it felt like it had been tense between them for far too long, this was the way things always should have been. They hadn't spoken about what was going to happen between them and Carter hadn't really thought about it since he brought it up all those months ago. They were both enjoying themselves living together, and even though his couch wasn't very comfortable to sleep on, he was content for things to stay as they were for now. He sat down next to Abby and handed her a spoon.  
  
Abby ripped the lid off the bucket of ice cream, "Aren't you going to have any?"  
  
"I'll just have what you don't eat." They both laughed knowing that Carter wouldn't get any. "Anyway, I wouldn't want to deprive you of any of your precious chocolate fudge.  
  
Abby mock scowled, "I wasn't going to let you have any anyway."  
  
Carter laughed, "You know, after the baby's born you're going to have to make up for all these times I've had to go out and get you ice cream."  
  
"How did you figure that out?"  
  
"Well me going out after being at work all day to buy you ice cream can be classified as a nice thing to do for someone, and I've been doing nice things for you ever since you moved in. You owe me." Carter looked up at Abby to see her smiling at him, "what? Do I have something on my face?"  
  
Abby looked down at the bucket awkwardly, "erm nothing," she paused before adding hesitantly, "I was just thinking about how you'd make a great dad."  
  
"Really?"  
  
Abby smiled, "yeah."  
  
Carter smiled back at her and they settled down to watch a movie.  
  
****   
  
"You know something?" Carter said, "we haven't even talked about names yet."  
  
"Yeah I know, I was planning on doing one of those spur of the moment things after the baby is born."  
  
"Oh right," Carter said trying to hide his disappointment.  
  
Abby chuckled, "oh god. Don't tell me you want another John Truman Carter?"  
  
Carter looked up quickly, "no... well ok maybe I had thought about it."  
  
"What if it's a girl?"  
  
"It's a boy Abby I can feel it."  
  
"Yeah well don't blame me for not agreeing with you."  
  
"So, what, you think it's a girl?"  
  
"Maybe," Abby chuckled.  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"I'm not sure. Mother's intuition I guess. Last time I thought..." she trailed off and preyed that Carter wasn't paying attention, but she knew he was. He would be staring at her wide-eyed, caught totally off guard. She looked across at him, and saw the exact same face she pictured.  
  
"Erm... What?"  
  
"John..."  
  
"Last time?"  
  
Abby bit her lip, "I was pregnant once before."  
  
Carter leant forward, hoping that she wasn't going to say what he thought she would say. But he knew her too well.  
  
Abby looked down at the floor, "I had an abortion..."  
  
In the split second it took for her words to register, Carter was swept back five months, right back to when she first told him she was pregnant. Utter disbelief, he could only sit staring at her in shock. She couldn't bring herself to look at him, knowing that his stunned face would bring tears to her eyes. Carter shook his head pathetically, as if he didn't believe what he was hearing, and looked back at her again. He felt the blood rushing to his face as he gathered his thoughts. He was angry. He should have been understanding, he should have been considerate, but he couldn't. He couldn't lie to himself or to her. He was angry. He swallowed and grimaced as he felt the lump in his throat move down slightly before popping back up to where it was before. Clearing his throat, he looked over to the same spot Abby was staring at. "When?"  
  
"When I was married to Richard."  
  
"Was that the beginning of the end?"  
  
Abby nodded and looked up at him for the first time. She was surprised at how expressionless his face was. She knew exactly why though, he was bottling something up. She also knew that he wouldn't be able to hold it in. She knew him too well. "After that we just stopped talking to each other, we grew so far apart that he started chasing other women."  
  
Carter nodded, "why did you do it?"  
  
Abby's face shot up, partly expecting to meet John's gaze. Instead he was facing away from her, staring at the lamp that rested on the cabinet across the room. She bit on her lip and tried to get him to look at her, "erm... I... my mother..."  
  
"This is about your mom again then?" Carter stood up quickly, turning round to look at her. She could tell he was getting angry, and that somehow he was keeping it in check.  
  
Abby looked down at the floor again, his gaze was burning into her eyes and she couldn't look at him. "You saw her yourself John. You saw how much she screwed up my life."  
  
Carter softened momentarily and shook his head, "Abby I know you well, there's no way you are bi-polar."  
  
"It wasn't about me... It was about the baby."  
  
Carter's face washed over with anger again and Abby had to look down, "What?! The baby being bi-polar..."  
  
"I was scared John. You've seen what my mother can be like sometimes. I was scared..."  
  
"So you decided to kill it?" Carter's words were stinging. She looked up at him to be met with a face of disgust. A lonely tear made its way down her face.  
  
"I couldn't put a child through that," she said, "I couldn't..."  
  
"Couldn't put yourself through it you mean?" Carter took a step closer to her, his anger showed no signs of subsiding. "I can't believe you could be so selfish. You couldn't handle having another person like your mother to take care of so you killed it before it even had a chance."  
  
"No! No it was never like that at all," Abby said, now crying more visibly.  
  
"You know what Abby? You know what I think?" Carter asked, although he didn't expect her to answer, "I think that you get what you are given and just have to carry on regardless. I will love this baby no matter what happens to it. You don't bail out just because you are scared. If that was the case then I wouldn't be here right now."  
  
"I know! I know it was just..."  
  
"Come to think of it, what stopped you getting rid of this one too?"   
  
Abby looked up in shock, surprised that he could say something so hurtful to her. Her voice softened and Carter sat down next to her, "after I got my abortion the only thing I thought about afterwards was that I had killed my little baby," her voice broke on the last words. "I tried to act like nothing happened, I thought that I could handle myself and I kept trying to think of it as doing the child a favour, because she..." Abby paused and Carter leaned closer. "She would be just like my mom and it wouldn't be fair to her." Abby covered her face with her hands and cried, "I killed my little girl," all Carter could do was sit and watch her, wondering how she must have felt.  
  
A few minutes passed and Abby wiped her nose before looking up to see Carter putting his coat on and wrapping his scarf tightly around his neck. She stood quickly, "where are you going?"  
  
"I need to clear my head," Carter replied without looking at her.  
  
"No John don't go, we need to talk about this."  
  
"There's not much else to say Abby."  
  
"Yes... yes there is."  
  
"No..." Carter said gently, "I just need to be by myself for awhile, get this straightened out in my head," he made his way toward the door.  
  
"John please," Abby called, her voice cracking again, "don't go." Carter carried on walking and opened the door, only for Abby to run up beside him and grab the handle. Carter simply shook his head at her, biting back tears, and walked out. "John!" Abby called out before she started to cry again, sinking down to the floor as the door closed. "I love you..." he was too far away to hear. 


	7. The Boy With The Thorn In His Side

Author's Notes: This chapter takes place straight after the meeting in chapter 3. I could've done it in a normal sequence, but that would be too boring ;)  
  
Summary: Carter thinks about what has happened to him  
  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Chapter 7 - The Boy With The Thorn In His Side  
  
****   
  
May 2002  
  
****   
  
As he walked out of the church Carter didn't feel any closer to putting everything in perspective, but he did feel like he had become less constricted by what had happened. He left with the questions that had brought him there at the forefront of his mind... Walking through the park that surrounded the church he made his way back to the bench he had found before, just so he could think about what Abby had said and how it had affected him. He sat down and stretched his arms and legs, resting his elbows on the back of the bench.  
  
He felt bad, he felt bad because at a time where Abby needed him more than anything he walked out and left her. He couldn't imagine how she felt when the door closed, leaving her alone to ponder how what she had said had affected him and why he got so angry. He wasn't even sure why he was shouting at her, accusing her of everything he could think of. Saying those horrible, horrible things. He wouldn't be surprised if when he got back the lock had been changed.  
  
He sat at the bench for a while, just thinking about how much had changed over the last few months. Especially since Abby moved in with him. They were getting on so well that even some of the nurses were asking him if the two of them had set a date for the wedding. He smiled fondly, remembering the day she moved in, smiling at the fact that he had tried to clean his room to make it more comfortable for her but failed miserably. Even though she was five months pregnant at the time she cleaned up the room, made it spotless. He was in awe of her that day, and wondered how he could possibly take care of her.  
  
He had managed though, gradually learning how to cook more complicated dishes than cheese on toast, learning how to clean a room properly, even how to do his own laundry. Abby showed him everything, and when he was finally 'trained up,' as she put it, he took control, letting her relax and have the mood-swings and the cravings and the sore feet that pregnant women were supposed to have. He was looking after her, looking after all of them, and it felt fantastic. It felt like they were a family.  
  
He got up from the bench and started to walk. He had no idea where, but he knew he wasn't ready to go back to the apartment yet. Not without some answers. He had to know what he thought, what he wanted and what he was going to say, and until he figured out what those things were he wasn't going to go back. He crossed the cool wet grass and slipped out of the gate silently, taking quick sideways glances at some of the gravestones dotted around him. Stepping out onto the street felt like stepping off a boat onto the beach, strangely reassuring. He was finding his feet.  
  
He walked quickly, even though he wasn't in a hurry. It felt like he had been out for hours. The streets, normally bursting with life and crammed with rushing feet, were empty. He stopped and looked around slowly, being so alone and out in the open, especially after being with people who cared, left him confused and vulnerable. He started walking again at a brisker pace, watching his shadow move and shift under the street lamps. One lamp was flickering and the flashing image of his silhouette quickly snapped him back to reality, and he again looked around only to be met with shadows. Strange that the night could make him so paranoid.  
  
He crossed the road and cut through a small alleyway. The light played tricks with his eyesight and he could not make out the sleeping forms of homeless people who took up every corner that could generate any kind of warmth. He hadn't noticed how cold it was, but the thought made him shiver. He heard noises up ahead, but when he lifted his head to look, he was met with nothing but darkness. The end of the alleyway was a long way off, and he wondered what possessed him to walk this way. He looked back at the way he came and turned back towards the dim glow of the street lamps.  
  
Once back out into the open he felt a whole lot safer, and his face flushed red at the embarrassment of his cowardice. He thought about how scared Abby must have been to discover that she was pregnant, after what happened the first time. She had an abortion and the relationship she had with the baby's father, her husband, deteriorated afterwards. How could she have felt after finding out that she was pregnant again? Scared, but she pulled through it. She approached him, he didn't know what to do, and she pulled through it. She managed to carry on, not knowing what the father of her baby was going to do, or even whether he was going to be a factor in her life. His face turned red again, although this time it was because of the fact that he had walked out on her because he was afraid. How big a coward was he?  
  
He looked up to see that he was sitting on a wall across the street from his apartment building. He stared at his window for what seemed like an eternity, hoping, preying for some sort of movement or a flicker from the curtains. Instead there was stillness. A cool red light surrounded the window, no shadows moved across it, no sign that she was there, no sign that she could forgive him. He stood up and walked forward two steps, but he couldn't bring himself to go back and face her. He thought about how he would sound, his bumbling apology, tears streaking down his face, and her... standing stone-faced, saying nothing but telling him everything. Get out John, leave. Leave and never come back.  
  
He jogged away from the road and continued his run across the small park that was conveniently close to his apartment. He felt a lonely tear stumble down his nose and hang on to the tip, before swaying and dropping down into his coat. He took a deep breath as he ran, hoping that nothing more would come but he felt them. He felt them moving down his face in their droves. His ego said he was sweating, his brain said he was crying. It was far too cold to sweat.  
  
When he finally stopped running to dry his eyes he looked back at his apartment to see a small grey square with squares of light popping up randomly. He blinked a few times and the image cleared. He looked for where his square of light should have been but he couldn't find the shards of red light. He hung his head sadly, that was it... she had left him. It was only a matter of time. He didn't want to run back to stop her, it wasn't worth it. Nothing he could say would do anything other than make her walk faster. He went to look at his watch, but he couldn't bring himself to do that either. He felt the ground coming closer toward him and he crouched down heavily. He could hear the sound of his own sobs piercing through the arm that covered his face. The sound was cracked, disjointed... never ending.  
  
By the time he lifted his head he was soaked through. A light drizzle had started out of nowhere and quickly evolved into a torrent. Carter, not noticing, was now in danger of catching pneumonia. The marks his tears had left were now washed away under a hail of raindrops. He stood up slowly and felt the water running through his hair and down the back of his neck. He took a step back towards the apartment and felt the rain that had got inside the sole of his shoe squelch under the pressure of his foot. If he didn't go back now he was going to freeze to death. Even though he had this thought in mind, he walked slowly across the grass, grimacing as the water inside his shoes made uncomfortable noises. He got to the edge of the park and stepping over the wall that separated it from the street, once again stopped to look up at his now empty apartment. No light came from his window, no signs of life. He knew why. It was because there was nothing there, nothing but an empty pizza box and the remnants of Abby's ice cream.  
  
He climbed the stairs slowly, and jumped up the final three, stretching out and yawning as the routine had dictated. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed loudly, fumbling in his pocket for his keys before placing them in the lock. He turned it slowly and the door swung open. Carter felt his heart leap into his mouth.  
  
Abby had fallen asleep on the couch, a tissue balled up in her hand. The lamp light on the desk near her had been switched off, and the landing light bathed in across her face. God, she was beautiful. The shock of that realisation took over his relief that she was still there. He thought about walking away, leaving drips of water behind him, a trail, a message to her that he tried but he just couldn't face her after what he said. Instead he took a step inside and, as gently as he could, closed the door behind him. Predictably, as the door clicked Abby stirred and sat up. He watched her eyes adjust to the light, he watched her look at him.  
  
Her hand moved slowly for the switch on the lamplight, and they blinked as the yellow glow stung their eyes. Carter willed himself to move, but he couldn't, the water dripping down from his clothes was forming a small puddle on the floor. Abby made to stand up but stayed sitting, her eyes squinting but wearing a confused look.  
  
She licked her lips slowly, "John..." Anything that either of them had to say was cut short by the looks on both their faces. Abby was staring in shock, unable to take in what she was seeing. Carter was about ready to crack. He was pursing his lips together in a pitiful attempt to stop himself crying and his eyes... his eyes cut into her. The sadness embedded in them made her approach him cautiously. Every step she took made Carter come closer to breaking. When she was standing right in front of him he closed his eyes tightly and felt the tear trace the corner of his eyes before dropping into the rain puddle below him. He looked up at her as she pulled him into an embrace. He finally let go, sobbing loudly into her shoulder, "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry Abby," his words slightly muffled. Nothing could sound more sincere.  
  
He held on to her for dear life, fearing that if he let go she would walk away from him. He was shivering as he ran his fingers up her back slowly, from both the cold and the way he was feeling. He had buried his feelings long ago, for the sake of their baby, but the thought of losing her was too much. Everything he had thought, said, and felt was flying through his head as he cried into her shoulder. He heard himself rambling, all the things he had put aside were flying out. He was afraid, even more afraid than he was before now that he had everything to lose.  
  
Abby didn't say anything while John was mumbling at her, stroking her gently with his fingers which was sending shivers up her spine. She had thought about what she could say to him if he came back, but it turned out that she didn't need to explain herself anymore. Carter understood it all, or even if he didn't he was prepared to not let it get in the way of their child, their relationship. That was what mattered most. She heard every word of what he said, every plea for forgiveness, every declaration of love. As the three little words came out of his mouth his sobs grew louder and she held him closer.  
  
They stayed that way for what seemed like hours, Carter crying, Abby holding him. Once John's sobbing had ceased they moved closer together and danced slowly, even though no music was playing. Slowly and surely, their lips pressed against each other. Everything coming down to that one moment, then they fell asleep in each other's arms. 


	8. The Road

Author's Notes: This is the last proper chapter of this fic (epilogue withstanding), and I have to say I've enjoyed writing it moreso than any of my other fics.   
  
Thanks: Major, major, major kudos to Drumski for being a wonderful beta and putting up with me asking her to read every half-written chapter and tell me how to finish it, this fic is pretty much half yours... well lets say 10% ;) Also big thanks to everyone at the Carby board, you all know who you are ;)  
  
Summary: It's July, it's hot, and the baby is coming  
  
  
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Chapter 8 - The Road  
  
****   
  
July 2002  
  
****   
  
He walked around half-heartedly. Listening to nurses, patients, heartbeats, chests. Mumbling orders for medication or diagnosis or words of comfort. It would seem to anyone that John Carter had lost his passion for his profession. Far from the truth.  
  
It was almost time. Almost time for when he would get the call, the pager they bought especially would sound, everyone would smile. People would pat him on the back and wish him luck. Off he would trot, a special spring in his step as the long journey he had been on would finally come to a stop. The road he was travelling down was coming to an end. Any day now.  
  
He rubbed his eyes and grimaced, sitting outside in the cold, waiting for yet another ambulance to come in. His hand moved over his rough, unshaven face. He shouldn't have been working, why did he agree to take on shifts when he knew that he would get the call in the middle of one. The baby wasn't exactly specific on when it was planning on making an appearance. He shook his head, knowing exactly why he was working. Abby had kicked him out of the house. Constant questions and fussing had driven her to the brink of insanity and Carter, understandably, felt Abby's wrath. He chuckled as he remembered her exact words, "if you don't go to work for a few days and get out of my face I'm going to have to kick your ass!" Abby, already being an emotional person, was especially grouchy when she had a mood swing. Hell, she could probably be the definition for mood swing. There would be a picture of her scowling next to the words. He would never forget that scowl, he wouldn't have missed it for the world.  
  
****   
  
Another hour, another patient. There was still no sign of the end of the shift, and still no sign of the baby. He found his hand wandering to his back pocket every five minutes to make sure he had it on the loudest setting possible, and to check if he had been beeped even though he knew that everything was set-up as it should've been. Abby had set the pager, she had given it to him, and it wasn't going to screw up.  
  
He looked down at himself to see he was covered in a patient's vomit, and two nurses were smiling at him, laughing at the fact that he had been barfed on and he hadn't noticed. They couldn't blame him. Everything seemed too good to be true at the moment. He was half expecting to wake up.  
  
He walked out of the curtain area with his arms held out by his sides, he could hear the laughter coming at him from the admit desk. He mumbled excuses and said he was going to the lounge to clean up. Walking in he was met with amused faces from Luka and Deb, and he mock-laughed with them. Enough of this, he wasn't going to wear uncomfortable scrubs for the rest of the shift, he was going home to change. It was about time he took a break anyway. He wiped as much vomit off his clothes as he could and marched out of the ER, shouting to Kerry that he was going to take a shower. Nobody stopped him.  
  
Walking through the door of the apartment he couldn't help but notice how quiet it was. Usually when he came in through the door he would be met with all manner of sounds. Abby would sometimes be singing, dancing, sometimes talking on the phone to her mother, or stomping around the place complaining that there was no chocolate fudge ice cream. This time it was quiet, too quiet. Oh god... she had left him.... Oh god... he should have remembered to buy that ice cream... Oh god... the baby was coming. He whipped his pager out from his back pocket to be met with a blank screen. Breathe John. Abby was at Susan's, he knew she was at Susan's. It was the first thing she told him when he woke up, and the last thing she told him when he left. Abby was at Susan's. Be calm.  
  
****   
  
He stepped out of the bathroom and rubbed his now smooth cheeks. Stupid patients, why couldn't they ever do it in the basins. That's what they were there for. Instead, every patient who threw up, threw up on him. Of course John Carter being the neat freak he was would just throw the shirts in with the rest of the wash. He wouldn't make that mistake again. Abby throwing a wash basket at him when he got in from work was something you wouldn't want a repeat performance of. It turned out she didn't really enjoy pulling apart all the clothes that were stuck together because of patients not being able to hold their stomachs.  
  
He fumbled around his wardrobe for clean clothes and chuckled to himself. Any one who was a spectator to their relationship would have sworn they couldn't stand to be in the same room together. That, of course, was a million miles from reality. He loved her, he loved everything about her and yes, he even loved her when she was throwing wash baskets at his head. It was unavoidable, he always managed to do something to set her off in the course of a day but it didn't matter. They always ended up wrapped in each other's arms in front of the TV every night. Everything about the way they were together was perfect. He wouldn't want to change a thing.  
  
Driving back to the ER his mood shifted suddenly. Something wasn't right, he didn't know what but something was off. He looked around the dashboard and looked at himself in the wing mirror. Nope, he always looked that bad, it was something else. He shifted his weight and froze, instead of feeling the lump in his back pocket, pointing and digging into him he felt.... nothing. Oh shit... the pager.  
  
He fumbled with the front door keys and cursed loudly when he predictably dropped them. He practically kicked the door down and ran to the bedside cabinet. Where was that damn pager? He was searching around somewhat desperately, looking in places that no 'normal' person would keep a pager. Oh god... what if he had lost it?  
  
He froze and his face went pale as he heard the shrill beeping.  
  
He looked around frantically, searching for the source of the noise. The wash basket... that stupid wash basket. He plunged his hands into the mess of dirty underpants and his vomit stained shirt until he pulled out the pair of trousers that were beeping. He pulled out the pager and felt it vibrate in his hands. It was time.  
  
****   
  
Running into the ER, Carter looked around hurriedly to see a familiar face. Haleh walked past and shot him a smile. "She's up in OB Carter. What are you doing down here?"  
  
He bolted up the stairs, not waiting to hear calls of good luck being thrown at him as he ran. Bodies meandering up the stairs were almost thrown aside as he sprinted, calling out apologies as he went. He couldn't even remember what floor OB was on, he was so excited he couldn't really remember much of anything.  
  
He made it to the front desk and slammed his hands down, forcing himself to a stop. He breathed heavily, hunching over the desk, unaware that the receptionist was giving him a curious look.  
  
"Can I help you sir?"  
  
Carter's head lifted quickly, "Yes, Lockhart... Abigail Lockhart... she should be here."  
  
The receptionist typed in a few details onto her computer and looked up, "and you are?"  
  
"I'm the father."  
  
She looked back at her computer screen, "she's in room 7. Look's like you got here just in..." she stopped mid-sentence, Carter was already gone.  
  
"Thank you!" he called out as he looked around for room 7. Just in time, just in time. He prayed that he hadn't missed anything.  
  
The words, 'Room 7' stared back at him out of nowhere, and he pushed the door open quickly. Abby was in mid-contraction, Susan was standing beside the bed holding her hand. Carter was standing, staring, dumbstruck.  
  
"Where the hell have you been?!" Snapped him back out of his thoughts and he rushed over to Abby's side and wrapped his hand around hers.  
  
"I'm sorry, I'm almost lost the pager."  
  
Abby replied between breaths, "you... almost... lost it?"  
  
Carter shook his head, "Shh Abby shh," he said stroking her forehead, "It doesn't matter now. I'm here and we're having the baby, that's all that matters."  
  
"We?"  
  
"Ok you. You're having our baby," he laughed and kissed her on the head. "How's she doing?" He asked glancing across at Susan.  
  
"Fine, no problems, everything is going as it should. You certainly took your time getting here. We paged you fifteen minutes ago."  
  
"Long story," Carter looked at Abby, "how are you?"  
  
"How do you think?" Abby replied without looking at him. Carter and Susan smiled at each other.  
  
John moved round so he was facing her, "I think you are doing just fine," he paused a beat before adding, "I really love you... you know that right?"  
  
Abby smiled and kissed him, "I know... oh shit!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Contraction," Abby replied through clenched teeth. She held onto Carter and Susan's hands tightly, while they both told her to breathe.  
  
****   
  
"Ok Abby push!" The doctor said as the nurses stood behind her assisting.  
  
"C'mon honey you can do it," Carter said holding onto her hand.  
  
"No I can't!" Abby shouted back.  
  
"Yes you can Abby, you can do this."  
  
The doctor looked up at them, "ok Abby, just one more and we'll have this baby out. Are you ready? Push" Abby obliged and it wasn't long before they heard a shrill cry break into the air. Abby, Carter and Susan all beamed. "Congratulations Abby you have a baby girl."  
  
Carter and Abby smiled at each other and kissed while Susan walked forward to see the newborn. "Hey guys, what's her name?"  
  
They both looked at each other, "spur of the moment Abby, just like you wanted."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"You did all the hard work."  
  
Abby thought for a beat before smiling, "Emily... Emily Carter."  
  
Carter kissed the top of her head, "it's perfect, our little Emily." The doctor handed the baby to Abby and the three of them sat in a small huddle. Susan slowly made her way out to give them a moment alone and to spread the good news to the ER. She walked down the stairs slowly, carefully stepping past people coming up in the opposite direction and rested on the admit desk.   
  
The nurses quickly gathered around. "How are they?"  
  
Susan smiled, "they're a family." 


	9. Epilogue - And I Love Her

Epilogue – And I Love Her

I give her all my love  
That's all I do  
And if you saw my love  
You'd love her too  
I love her

He sings. He is slow and clumsy but he is somehow managing to hit the right notes. It's strange, he can do all manner of tricky medical procedures with his fingers, but holding a chord is something he can't quite manage. Why did he even try to learn this? Easy. Because she said she thought men who played instruments were sexy. He watches her, their daughter sat between her legs. She is holding the little baby's hands and clapping them along to the rhythm of the song, they are both smiling. He finishes and he cheers along with her, the baby's hands are raised into the air and she beams beautifully. He swoops down and kisses them, both of the women in his life.

She gives me everything  
And tenderly  
The kiss my lover brings  
She brings to me  
And I love her

He sings, he sings as he holds her in his arms. Gently rocking her back to sleep. His little pumpkin, his little Emily. He rocks her gently and lays her back into the crib slowly.

A love like ours  
Could never die  
As long as I  
Have you near me

He sings, he sings as they dance together. Dancing in the centre of the hall, everyone circled around watching, smiling. "It's about time," was the reaction they gave. He looks around for his daughter. He sees her standing with his Gamma in a pink dress looking beautiful. Of course she is beautiful, her mother is beautiful, and she looks just like her mother.

Bright are the stars that shine  
Dark is the sky  
I know this love of mine  
Will never die  
And I love her

She sings, she sings as she jumps on their bed in the morning. Waking them both with a jolt. She drags them downstairs and arranges the presents into piles for everyone. They laugh and cheer as she tears the paper away.

Bright are the stars that shine  
Dark is the sky  
I know this love of mine  
Will never die  
And I love her

He sings, he sings as he holds his son in his arms.

THE END


End file.
